by mypenname3000
I really enjoy this story - well written, paced, good characters. But I cannot get past the familiarity. I feel like I’ve read this before. Are you reposting an earlier work? FWIW I liked it the first time around too :)
(Too much bullshit dragging down the story)
For such short chapters and story, adding too many people has already muddied the story and that goes for all the flash backs as well. The story is so chaotic I wont be reading any more of this story.
Recap of its origin was repeated with the knight at sea. Intentional? You could omit the majority of it and it wouldn’t detract from the story. I do like the short sex scenes and would love to see a more plot driven chapter. There’s potential for character growth and a unique take to the Djinn/Harem world that you’ve created.
Great buildup. I am a little confused in the description of the sibling relationship though as it seems to inply they arent related at times. Things like "they'd grown up together" - well of course! Theyre siblings of a similar age! Or the way he mentions "her mother" when referring to Fatima's mom.
If theyre step siblings from his dads second marriage or something then that could be edited in or mentioned later. Otherwise it feels a bit confusing.
To the "anonymous" poster from 3 months ago, who cannot near to read any more of the story, is gonna move on...GOOD RIDDANCE...you could'a just left without the ugly commentleft behind!
Love the story...keeps my interest, piques it so I want to see the next chapter!
**5** Stars...
This chapter was much, much better than the first. Loving the potential of the story!