by MaryAnderson
You write nicely, but it is all over the place.
How can it be in 1st person POV if that person is not there. You did this all the time which made the story sound silly.
In future unclude tags for what is in the story. It was 80% lesbian, but no mention in tags. Any incest was incidental at the end, like an afterthought. Why have it in incest category at all. Lesbian or mature was more applicable.
Still lost on one bit I read where she was home alone and son's friend visited, they had a glass of water then miraculously were fucking because son wasn't going to be home early. Then he came home and joined in. But later it was as though he had not yet fucked his mother. Confusing.
This was not you best story. It seemed you were distracted when you wrote it.
That was so fucking awesome! Hot, hot, hot!!! The buildup to the incest was perfect. A followup chapter regarding the sleepover would be well received, I'm sure. Five stars and a favorite point!
Very well written and very yummy too! One would hope that you continue with this story! Thank you for sharing this with us!
From a content standpoint, this is an extremely hot story from a gifted writer. The lead-up is very well done as we move slowly toward ultimately the mother/son sex we crave by the story's end. Along the way, we see a mother go from prim, proper, and unsexed to a sex-crazed maniac who desires to experience new and exciting things. That's five-star stuff.
However, I went with four stars because the format didn't work for me. I don't agree with the other commentator that it was confusing so much as it hurt the flow of the story. You want to write from a first-person POV, but when the story moves to the Mom's second-hand POV through her son, it seemed as if the writer was looking for a way to attach hot masturbatory action with the Mom and semi-explain her mentality and thoughts, but it seemed too easy. In those cases, I would have preferred another trick - switching the POV so we actually drop into the Mom's head.
Don't take any of the last paragraph to suggest I didn't thoroughly enjoy your story. I merely felt it could have worked better with less of the son's sneakiness/stalking of his mother. The passion they share for one another in the end seems slightly cheapened by his behind-her-back maneuverings. As for a sequel, I think it works fine as is.
for the perceptive comment. I considered using a third person omnipotent narrator; I never considered using the mother. TabooTales makes a good point, using the mother as narrator would have provided a better opportunity to explore her transformation instead, as TabooTales notes, "semi-explain her mentality and thoughts." After all that transformation was the backbone of the story.
I don't plan a second chapter of this one, but will keep the observation in mind for future stories. In fact I think I can adapt it for something I am presently working on.
-- MaryAnderson --
Changing POV was a little difficult but once I realized what you were trying to create it just took a bit more concentration on my part which worked just fine. Thank you for sharing another awesome story. You never fail to deliver!
the realization that her friend and daughter also took that extra step also helped mom expand her horizons. i too got lost a little, but every writer has their own style that works for them. i did five stars, as this style did it for me too. thank you and keep writing.
I do love a good mother/son story. And I appreciate you not finding a way to separate the mother and father, instead, he stays around clueless, and family life is maintained. The only short-coming, too me, was how the two of them wound up together. But, I still enjoyed the tale.
You have a gift. You are an incredibly talented writer, blending detail and mood to draw in the reader! Extremely well done!
Awesome story you should have wrote more of this, it's been a while you still can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Such a hot story and loved the way alll of them came together to gain each others trust to the point of pure excitement to exhaustion
5 stars. Would have liked description of Sam fucking Alex. Dont need another chapter its just perfect