All Comments on 'Miss Lilly's Spring Surprise'

Utterly disgusting, but extremely erotic. Well done.

Your writing style is a turn off.

To the second commenter, I don't mind criticism but I do love specifics, as they may help me to grow and improve. Cheers.

Am impressed with the way you expose the fact that many of our so-called fine, upstanding public officialdom is really shot through with corruption.

Have just one query: Are we to understand that at the end of your story, Lily has decided to escape the blackmailing clutches of the sordid trio at the school, chuck working at the school as a teacher, and is now resolved to work full-time as a call-girl ?

As for the specifics of her final fate, I'm leaving things a bit open-ended, but I certainly like your interpretation!

Loved it!

Liked how she was used for their pleasure but experienced pleasure herself.

Shame on me, indeed. I enjoyed it immensely.

This bears all the hallmarks of superior writing. Your prose is of high quality and your story management excellent. It's a very impressive inaugural contest entry from you. I think we'll be seeing more from you. I certainly hope so, at least. Excellently done, sexy and, beyond that, skillful.

Your writing is a notch above. That's without debate. Be careful, however. You suffer from one of the same diseases I do. Your sentences run long at times and you fall so in love with your descriptions that you stray into the superfluous. I do it too. Adjectives work best as solo hunters, not pack animals. Send out too many and all they bring back is confusion.

Still, an impressive foray, initial or otherwise. Congratulations.

Thanks AMoveableBeast, that means a lot coming from a writer of your quality. (And yes, I completely hear you about adjective addiction. :D)

If I could give this more than 5 stars, I would. Very powerful, with a tragic heroine. The weaknesses of the various villains and the misunderstandings that contributed to her downfall were almost as good.

The final scene where she cut all ties to her hopes and dreams to embrace a much harsher reality was especially poignant. Lana has embarked on an extremely self destructive lifestyle, but if she can survive for a few years and acquire some powerful clients, I can see a much colder and more mature version returning to Barrymore Collegiate High, determined to ruin her tormentors lives as thoroughly as they destroyed hers. Bravo!

Great first LitE entry, Cyrano. It's obvious you have written elsewhere: the main character has growth, change, and depth. I particularly liked the fitting name choices for the faculty, even if they are mere cameos. Not my usual category read, but it kept me reading, and your scolding warning was on target and amusing. I largely agree with the Feast:

Your story deserved better than the occasional 'meat-stick in the cock-socket' moments more appropriate to a Penthouse letter. Personally, oversize menparts work better when everyone isn't huge in some dimension as here, but that is taste only. Others want every shaft to be a yardlong kidney-wiper with balls as big as three.

You handled the April Fools theme well and the ending was harshly excellent: fitting the tone, getting back to daddy issues, and open ended enough to give the reader room to draw their own conclusion, as the comments indicate.

Glad to hear you enjoyed the story, and thanks Kethandra for your remarks about the style of the smut delivery in particular. This is something I go back and forth on: I enjoy absurd crudity (and tend to prefer it for straightforwardness' sake to soft-focus romantic-novel terminology when it comes to porn), but it doesn't always feel like the best tonal fit, sometimes. Something I'll keep experimenting with and trying different options.

I am not sure I am coherent enough after that read to render the accolades I so desire. Maybe I will come back with something more intelligent. For now I will withdraw into my own delightful smoldering satisfaction. Thank-you for this writing.

Gar Fredrickson

amazing doesn't begin to describe it. flawless. the kink and sex and fucking and blackmail and metamorpaseus of lucy was erotic and hot. but the writing was rich and professional. sometimes writers try to be writers on this site and it just gets in the way. bit not you. more more more. please keep writing

Will there be a follow up?

It would be interesting to see the school staffs reaction to her transformation. Would they feel guilty or love it? What depths of depravity will she go to before her broke mind snaps back?

Love your writing and style. Already one of my favorites.

Your encouraging comments are much appreciated. As far as sequels go: I do have some sketches for a possible follow-up but there are some other story ideas in the queue first, so it may be a little while before I revisit this one. Thanks again.

Awesome writing.

This is written really well. I love nice vocabulary in work like this, it inspires me to write as well. I came too fast while reading this though, I'll come back again.

Wow. This is really well written. Characters, plot, phrasing, virtually everything about its concept and execution. It aroused me in very much the same way, with parallel mixed feelings, that the protagonist her male antagonists felt along the way. It engaged me fully, resonated within me, and reverberated with me after I'd finished with it, letting me know that it had not finished with me quite yet. You are very talented. Thank you. Please write more.

This is the second great piece I have read from you well done, just a thought maybe you might conjure up a revenge on the constable with the Spanish wench in tow?!

Happy trails. Master Bear

Reads like something store-bought. No need to fix the grammar, punctuation, etc., in your head as you read along, which really helps keep you in the story. It seems like you skipped detailed, long winded descriptions of sex acts and instead explored motivation and decision making. I appreciate that.

What a wickedly feelthy mind you have, CJ! I agree with AMB and Kethandra - fluid writing that brought out your story line, which was perfect for April Fool's - a cliché theme squeezed of every drop, in a very good way. I even learned a couple of new words - skirl is great, what a fun word! I hadn't noticed this was your first submission here till I read the other comments - that's me, late to the party and highly observant..

No such thing as a too-late comment, I'm glad this was fun. Means a lot coming from anyone but especially from other writers, so cheers.

And thanks to anyone else whose comments I may have neglected to acknolwedge along the way.

Hi, everyone. I should make something clear here: I don't mind critical comments per se, but I delete comments that essentially consist of "I don't like this kink" as a waste of all our time; it's no secret where this story is posted. Otherwise, thanks for reading.