All Comments on 'In Love with Lori Ch. 02'

be glad to get back to the whole getting ready to leave for england chapters. after reading them and now waiting longer for this rewrite to get there is annoying

this "story" runs a lil' over six pages........if you take the sex out, you get about four paragraphs.

I realize this is an erotica story & sex site, but this chapter could have used a LOT more story & a LOT less sex.

Sign your name and I'll take you seriously, or show me what you've written, so I can see how well you write in comparison to my poor expressive skills. I know I'm not the best writer on this site, not by a long chalk, but at least I've never had the sheer arrogance to set myself up as an arbiter of what a story here should consist of; as you know so much, please, I invite you to show me your body of work so I can learn at your feet. I'm waiting...

My comments re: your story are only my opinion. I do not claim to be a writer nor do I dislike your stories. I have read several of them on this site & for the most part I have liked them all.

I just felt with this story that the sex part was overdone & the "story" part suffered for it.

AGAIN, just my opinion.I have read a number of stories on this site where the "sex" overpowered the "story" & in some cases that was a shame because the story was good, just never fleshed out.

If I offended you, my apologies. It was not my intent. As I said, I've read most of your stories on here & liked them.

I like this story also, I just think the sex was/is overdone.

dmg43

I'm not offended, far from it; it takes a lot to offend me, and honest criticism, whether of structure, content, phrasing or story premise is always welcome; this story arc was the first thing I ever wrote, so much needed to be learned when I first fumbled it onto the page, and I didn't want to change anything when I took the opportunity to consolidate it into more coherent slices. I like to think I've learned enough since I wrote this to avoid the pitfalls and heffalump traps parts of this story fell into. For good or ill though, this is the original story, as it might have been if I'd cast it into several longer chapters rather than the 9 or so short chapters it was before; I try to tell myself that a more experienced and mature author has stepped in and cleaned up what a beginner put before him; the truth is, if I knew then what I know now, I doubt I would have written so headlong and prolix a romp. Since this was written, writing Rag Doll, Lost & Found and especially Lost Girl; Julie's Story has taught me to take a more considered and less 'write a sex scene before the fourth paragraph' approach to writing erotica with a storyline, thereby helping me to avoid the dead-end of writing a string of lubricious, sperm-dripping hump fests (which describes this story perfectly adequately and succinctly, I think...) I like to think this story was my classroom, an object lesson in what is and is not tenable in an erotic story. Do I regret writing this story? Not in the slightest; this was my cherry in the world of erotica, and I have a very special place for it. Would I write it today? No, at least, not like this.

Face Plant!!! I didn't even check to see WHEN this was written & of course had no way to tell it was your 1st story on here. It's easy to see that your stories have GREATLY improved. To me that means you've gotten better as a writer which is good for us readers & GOOD for you as a writer.

As said earlier, I REALLY liked Rag Doll & Lost Girl. I felt they were MUCH more about the story & the sex scenes just help it along. Also as said before, too many stories on here are ALL about sex with little to no storyline to help them along. Just PORN with out the pics!

To me, to be a writer, the STORY must come 1st & all else just helps it along.

As a reader, the storyline it what's important to me.

I'm looking forward to additional chapters of your stories because the story has interested me & I look forward to see where you take them.

Anxiously waiting...........

Absolutely loved the story so far, please continue with it :)

It is a better read the second time. Just Love It

As I've been reading through your series of stories I've been noticing that you seem to be giving away what some of your favorite movies or books are in some of the quotes. I've seen lines from Dune,Little Shop of Horrors, and here Tarzan is referenced.There may more that I've missed or don't know.It's somewhat amusing to see the references and quotes,and it's not a bad thing to do,at least in my opinion.Also the way they are used is rather cute,and should bring a smile to readers faces when they see them.It adds to the stories and the characters adding some realism to them,as a lot of people like to drop lines like that into conversations,or when playing around.

i love this story. Thanks for writing it. i guess i'm lucky - you're re-edited it all for me so its a simpler read. i'm really enjoying reading it.

I love most of your stories, however I couldn't find the story. The sex should enhance the plot line not over power it. In your other works you balanced two much better. Needless to say I couldn't finish this one

Probably not what you want to hear, but I laughed my ass off. Well, not really. Good story. I like the humor. Thanks.

Brilliant! Love and lust in equal measure.

On to chap.3 as I said before, for a re-read.