by mypenname3000
This is ridiculous. The sex is hot but you need like 1/5 as much of it. Most of the "story" so far has been entire chapters of one sex scene and even then not the entire scene.
The idea here is interesting so please move it along and get on with the actual story.
I agree with the others If I do not see some story soon I will have to let this thread die. . it seems as if all we are establishing after chapter two is the guy can fuck forever. I figurfe the storage must be overfull by now and something is going to burst and make his life a living hell. Or maybe go slhopping and find the other protagonists and antagonists of the story. If the next chapter is more of the ame I am probably done with this story.
I basically skipped the entire 'chapter' and while the sex can at times be good, it's INSANELY REPETITIVE. And people using his full name ALL OF THE TIME is annoying, as is him using her full name ALL OF THE TIME is annoying. There HAS to be more story. 6 chapters in and we're still basically on day 1 when the vast majority of this, including the sex, could and should have been handled in the first 3 and that's being generous.
ditto KB, LJ and all. Pete and repeat... You've got a nice concept but it's dragging (need dragon!)
3 stars
Anon56
I agree that all the sexual activity is booring. The story needs more story telling, more dungeon building, more drive and progress and conflict.
Blah blah blah just repetitive, excessively verbose sex scenes over and over. It's disappointing since you came up with a super interesting premise but then just dropped it to describe him fucking every combination of girls at every possible angle. At least give the girls some individual personality and let us get to know them a bit before the sex scenes, otherwise it's hard to think of them as anything besides undifferentiated holes for the MC to stick his dick in...
You need to learn how to balance out your storyline and sex. That’s the biggest problem most writers on this site have. That includes you…….