by Sarahio
A great story idea is not enough. You need to construct it properly. A little bit of proofreading would be quite helpful.
Absolutely terrible story. A butthole who makes fun of other people isn't the biggest turnon for anyone, and the adult scene was just...horrendous. I suggest not quitting your day job.
please dont try and write like you are a man,let your womanhood come thru tell us how you would liked to be seduced or how you would like to seduce,you have potential to be a sexy writer
The story was quite well done - some of the errors of beginners but a lot of talent was evident. Write more.
At the ripe old age of 32 I am apparently categorised as 'mature'? A great premise for your story honey but the characters could have used more development and you definitely need an editor! Your grammatical errors and typos are very distracting - for example: "...faster and harder until he could feel his cock so deep inside him"