All Comments on 'Ben Got His Wish'

Please proofread and find an editor. Can't enjoy the story because of the lack of care in the writing

boring. too much blabla, just get to it, its only 2 pages !

the aunt was too much in her head at start, i lost interest before 1st half of the page.

Ignore the negatives given, i think you described Katy's thoughts very well, the concept was good i thought.

I do agree with the proof reading or getting it edited though, i had to second guess some of your writting and the spelling could be much better.

All in all a good enjoyable story

Thanks

...presentation. I don't mind people getting worked up when anticipating or engaging in sex, especially the naughty or illicit kind.....but, and I have chided you about this before, this piece came off like someone attempting to wax poetical about auntie's feelings and thought. Too effusive, comes to mind, along with frequently overindulgent metaphors.

I think this comes from spending so much time escalating the material with no "cooldown" intervals like we experience in the real world. You can only get so far before there is nowhere else to go. In the real world, women pass out at orgasm when they are too high, have had too many, or are too tired after marathon sex.

They usually don't wake up immediately, but may stir a bit within two or three minutes, before rolling over and falling into a deep sleep.

Yeah, I know, this is fantasy... but when the fantasy gets silly for too much amplification, it's time to ratchet back somewhat and let the mood cool before moving on.

It may tax you, but please try...at least consider it. You are otherwise too good at writing to degrade your story so.

Thank you.

I agree about the slow start. I also agree you need an editor or a proofreader.

Thanks Don

hard hitting fast moving a well known story that like Christmas never ceases to please.