Roomers Revisited Ch. 01

That was one long night and I woke up real late, real uncomfortable, real sticky, smelling like a fish packing plant, and so dam' thirsty I could hardly think. The girls were twined in each other's arms, still asleep, so I eased myself outa bed, dealt with the necessaries, then thought tactful and went to fix breakfast. Meant crumbs all over the bed, but hell, I was gonna have to change the sheets anyway. Left the bedroom door open and clattered a little while I fixed everything; sure enough, when I took the tray through they'd surfaced, were propped on pillows side by side, holding hands and looking at each other real mushy. I filed that away for consideration too.

'Happy morning, kids. Straighten up and take the tray. You feel like me, you need to regain some energy levels.' Ellen grinned and I saw her squeeze Candice's hand.

'You saying we wiped you out, Doug? Gotta be a first.'

'Ellen Calhoun, don't you get fresh,' I grumbled. 'Eat your goddam breakfast and I'll show you who's wiped out.' Best of times I'm not too good in the mornings, and after twenty-four hours of being Mr. Nice Guy I was a tad grumpier than usual. I sank onto the other end of the bed and reached for my juice.

'What you oughta do, Candice, is look for a job up there too. There's more goddam colleges round Boston than you can count on both hands and mine as well. Real liberal folk they say. Cute black dyke like you would be a shoo-in up there.' I winked at Ellen. 'You could carry on bein' roomies too, keep yourselves pure for me.' I was talking just to fill the gaps, but to my total fuckin' astonishment Ellen blushed and Candice turned even darker. They looked at each other for a moment, then Candice swung back to me.

'Damn you, Doug, how the hell do you do it? I swear you're a mind reader sometimes.' Well, shit. What the hell was happening now?

'I say something out of line, Candice? Hell, I was just thinkin' out loud. No need to get fired up an' all.' She stuck her tongue out, then blew me a kiss.

'You're sorta frightening sometimes, is all. Ellen said that exact thing to me one minute ago, and...' She squeezed Ellen's hand again. 'And I suddenly realized that's what I want more than anything else. I mean, I love you, Doug, and I never thought I could love a guy, but Ellen... if I lost Ellen I think I'd want to die.' Well, damn. No need for further fuckin' consideration. Love had blossomed while I wasn't looking, and a dam' good thing I wasn't involved. The pair of them were looking at me real anxious and I knew I had to say something meaningful. Fake sincerity is better than no sincerity at all so I moved towards them, pulled us all into a big love huddle. Sometimes you gotta act like a jerk if you don't want to look like one.

'You both feel that way?' They didn't say anything but I felt their heads nodding and Ellen's tongue flickered out, caressed Candice's ear. 'Well, shit, Massachusetts is way progressive; you want to, you can get married an' everything, legal, and I can give you both away, do the whole thing with some fuckin' style. I look real good in a tux.' I was busy wondering if this was gonna cost me. I like to give the impression of only just being able to afford not to work, needing the rental income real bad, but I might have let something slip. Candice looked up at me, tears in her goddam eyes again.

'You say such sweet things, Doug. I wish we could all of us stay like this forever, just the three of us.' And end up with two mothers-in-law?

'Candice, you got doors openin' here: you miss an opportunity, sooner or later you're gonna end up resenting whoever made you miss it, and I ain't planning to be in that seat. Ain't gonna lose two friends that way.' Realistic Doug, caring but firm. Ellen nodded, hugged us both hard.

'He's right, Can-Can, you know he is. We have to think positive.' Can-Can? I nearly laughed out loud. Looked like I was gonna be let into the pet names club. Ellen peeped up at me. 'Can we just have a normal day while it all sinks in?' Fine by me.

'I'm gonna go down the gym, seein' as I'm on a promise to myself, and then I gotta find Jose, fix a time for him to come cut back some of the goddam trees.' I slid off the bed then stopped. 'But first I need to know what's in that dam' package you been toting around?' She squealed and jumped out of bed, trotted through to the front room, came back with the package in both hands.

'It's your Thanksgiving present and you gotta open it now.' I took the parcel from her, ripped it open. A sheepskin rug, soft and thick, top of the goddam range. Ellen looked sorta anxious. 'It's to stand on when you're in the window thinking. Seems like every time I come in the house you're there, and I noticed that the rug you got is kinda threadbare, so...' I interrupted her by sweeping her off her goddam feet and hugging the shit out of her. She squeaked some, but began to hug back and I looked over her shoulder at Candice.

'You in on this?' She smiled and nodded and I blew her a kiss. 'Hug ya later, maybe, you behave good.' She ran a finger over her plump little pussy, then licked it and winked at me. I never seen her look so happy, and a weird kinda feeling flashed through me. Fuckin' bullshit, I thought. I don't do jealous.

*****

The past crawled back into its cage and I started taking notice of the world again. The snow had strengthened, coupla inches covering the road and sidewalks. There were noises on the roomers' stairs and I heard the sound of cases thumping down the treads. As I watched, Donna came out the front door, set off down the street, dragging luggage. Coupla minutes later the others appeared, same scenario. I guessed they were setting off early before everything jammed up bad. Sooner them than me. Knock on the door.

'C'mon in, Kirsty.' Her head popped round.

'How did you know...? She looked real puzzled and I couldn't help but smile.

'Shit, girl, I just seen the others runnin' off home in case a blizzard hits for real, and you're here to tell me that your sister's on her way now for the same goddam reason. Am I right?' She managed to nod, and I felt a faint click. Well, damn: mebbe Thanksgiving would be OK after all. 'You tell me when she gets to the airport or wherever, we'll go fetch her. That help any?' Hell, I hadn't expected to say that. She looked real relieved and nodded again.

'She just called my cell, and she's on the bus and she should be here by six. Doug, how do you know these things?' Because I'm twelve years older than you, dummy, and I can read you like a fuckin' book. Best not to say that though.

'Hell, Kirsty, my last incarnation I was Sherlock Holmes. I'll teach you to be Watson, you ever wanna join the cops.' She blushed, then giggled.

'You're kinda funny sometimes.' She was looking at me dewy eyed and I mentally patted myself on the back. Clicks never let me down yet. Go about it kinda ass-backward sometimes, but the job gets done. I glanced out of the window.

'I guess I better go to the store. This carries on there ain't gonna be no produce available, and I sure ain't gonna eat turkey with no trimmings.' Course, she needed stuff too, scooted off to fetch her coat and boots while I fired up the truck, we went down the mall, pushed a cart round just like a regular couple. Weird fuckin' feeling. Made sure she paid for her own stuff though. Feelings are feelings but bucks are bucks: take my advice, don't ever get those two items confused. When we came out she looked at her watch, screwed her face up.

'Uh, Doug, it's only an hour till Tanya's bus gets in. Do you want to have a coffee or something? Going home and coming straight out again would be really dumb.' Huh?

'Sounds like a plan. Where you wanna go?' I was expecting her to choose the food court in the dam' mall, but she scuffed her feet a coupla times, looked up hopefully.

'I've always wanted to go to that tavern on Broadway, the one by the old drive-in. Do you mind that?' Hell, I didn't care; strange sorta choice though. Always full of frat rats and their girlfriends, splashing money about like it was going out of style.

'No problem, kid, long as you tell me why.' Even in the gloom of a November evening she glowed like a goddam tomato.

'What do you mean?' Trying for puzzled.

'Kirsty, my guess is you wanna make a point to some guy who's hittin' on you, or not hittin' on you, or, or... hell, I don't know. But you better let me in on the secret or it'll be a bust and you'll feel like a fool.' I softened my voice some. No point scaring the shit out of her. 'C'mon, girl, lemme play too. I can do that sorta thing real good.' She was still red as a beetroot, but managed to look me in the eye.

'It's a girl, Sonia Marshall, and she's always there with boys all round her, and she's always sneering at me about not having a boyfriend and not being in a sorority and...' I got the picture. I hit the ignition and we rolled.

'What sorta boyfriend you want?' I asked as we pulled into the parking lot. 'Holdin' hands, stuff like that?' She looked nervous again.

'I guess. I might hug you as well, to make it look convincing. Would that be alright?' Is the Pope a Catholic?

'Long as you look like you're enjoyin' it.' I said. 'I gotta rep to protect.' Smiley voice, take the sting out of the words. Reliable Doug.

'I can do that.' Real quiet, but shit, I heard her OK. I took her arm.

'OK, kid, let's kill 'em dead.' We picked our way across the snow, pushed through the tavern doors. Jeez, the place was crowded. Some kinda party, I guess, plenty of rich pussy yakking, and their goddam boyfriends too, standing round in graceful poses. It's a joint I go to occasionally so I waved at Carla behind the bar, grabbed Kirsty's hand, started barreling through the crowd.

'Hey, Doug, long time. Whaddya need?' Her eyes flicked to Kirsty and I winked.

'Fill ya in later, Carla. Gimme a beer and a white wine spritzer.' The beer was already on the counter and she grabbed the fixings for the spritzer as I spoke. I turned to Kirsty. 'Tell me who we're dealin' with, we'll go stand close enough, I'll make like you just offered me a night in Paradise.' Her grasp on my hand tightened convulsively but she didn't let go. I pushed the spritzer into her free hand, bent down and put my ear to her mouth.

'Over by the fireplace there. The one with the blonde hair and the red sweater is Sonia and I just want her to realize I'm not a little girl.' Her breath was warm on my cheek and she gulped. 'And my friend Alison says Paradise is real nice.' Way to go Kirsty. We pushed through the crowd again, managed to end up next to the target. She was a classic. Tall, blonde, slender, every college guy's wet dream. Something sorta mean in her eyes though. Trouble from day one, I reckoned, and I ain't usually wrong about that sorta thing. Maneuvered so Kirsty was half facing her, raised my glass, my voice too.

'Here's lookin' at you, kid. Happy Thanksgiving. Tell me again, when do we gotta pick up your friend?' She lifted one hand and stroked my cheek. Fingers a little bit sweaty, but hell, she was entitled. I wondered where her blush was hiding.

'Six o'clock,' she said huskily, 'so just one drink and then we'll have to go, and it's your fault we're late.' Projecting real good. I could see where she was going.

'Hell, who was that tellin' me we could take it slow? Didn't notice you grumbling none.' That sure brought the red out in her cheeks again, but she didn't have to think of an answer. Blondie swung round, made like she'd just noticed us. Her eyes flicked from Kirsty to me and back again. Looked to me like she was on her third, maybe fourth drink. Her voice was kinda harsh.

'Hey guys, Kirsty Loser's found herself a friend. What didja do, Kirsty? Make nice to his seeing-eye dog?' Laughter from her group. She focused on me and winked. 'Hi, pal. You ever want to move up to the majors, just ask.' Like I said, sure had a nasty streak.

'Pleasure to meet you too, ma'am. Miss Manners' gonna have a contract out on you though, you ain't real careful with your mouth. I ever want a rude Greek I'll send you a card.' I turned to Kirsty. 'Who's the slut with the attitude problem? Batteries on her fuckin' Rabbit die?' I put my arm round her, made sure Sonia saw me stroking the outside curve of one ripe breast. Her body stiffened slightly but her voice was still soft and smoky when she answered.

'Sonia's just funning you. Doug. She's real friendly underneath. All the guys say so.' Killer line for a shy little kitten.

'You been hangin' with those locker room studs again, girl? Never met one yet could tell good from bad.' I took her glass, drained mine, handed them both to blondie. 'Put these where the sun never shines, ma'am. They oughta fit real easy. Nice to have met you.' As we left Kirsty reached up and pulled my head down, whispered in my ear.

'Thanks.' Then her hand strayed to my ass and squeezed. I nearly hit the roof and she began to laugh. 'I know she's watching us. You can touch mine too if you want.' Well, shit. I did just that, then eased up. Cautious Doug. This was virgin territory for real, and that's a whole different proposition.

The snow was still coming down hard and I was kinda glad I had four wheel drive as we pulled into the bus station. Nothing in the bays, so I leaned back and sighed.

'We do alright back there?' She swiveled in her seat, .

'Just perfect, and a girl from my biology class was there too and she'll tell the whole world about it.' Her voice changed. 'You sure were rude though, saying that about the glasses, and what's a rabbit? Two of her friends started laughing but I didn't understand.' Well, shit. It was kinda dark in the truck, but I knew her blushing had reached fuckin' Olympic levels as I explained, and she was real relieved when the bus swung into its bay. She flew outa the cab, ran over to the Greyhound while I wondered about the two sides of her. Either she should be a drama major or she for sure wanted to make an impression or... I gave up. The more I find out about women the more I realize I know squat. Always enjoy a learning curve though. I peered through the gloom and saw two figures struggling towards the truck with what looked like the biggest suitcase in the world, popped the trunk, watched through the rear view. As they came into the glow of a streetlight I stared harder. Jesus jumpin' Christ. If that was Tanya she wasn't a day over fifteen and my Thanksgiving plans had just gone down the goddam tubes.