A Happy Medium Ch. 01

Madison pursed her lips and looked at Tessa. Tessa somewhat nervously averted her eyes, but nodded her head. Finally, their mothers hug broke, tears welling in their eyes. They had both been transported back to a time in their lives that they didn't exactly miss, but that was still drenched in wistful nostalgia. But, with the hug completed, the two mothers looked at each. And neither spoke. And they realized, they didn't know what to say. Heather laughed nervously. The years had come flooding back to separate them. They both had the same thought: "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Uh, let's help them with their bags," Madison said every a very long pause. Jennifer was relieved by her daughter's suggestion.

"Oh yeah, I will pop the trunk," Heather said and started to move around the car.

"Oh no, we go it!" Jennifer responded graciously. And then the two mothers easily slipped into the normal travel talk: how was the drive? Any traffic? Did you see that sign for the lame tourist attraction? And things of that nature. It wasn't really so much conversation, as noise to mask the lack of conversation. But they were both relieved it was there. The girls, on the other hand, barely spoke. Tessa felt boxed in by her instructions to mentor Madison. Madison believed that Tessa was still the haughty older girl she'd been when they were kids.

Eventually, Heather and Tessa were settled into their rooms. The sort of awkward tension remained for the rest of the evening. The four women walked around the property a little, they ate an early dinner, they watched a little television, and they made a campfire in the back yard. The whole time the mothers chattered nervously about everything and nothing. They talked about jobs and television shows and other things that they didn't really want to talk about. It seemed to stretch the distance between them rather than close it. And so, they mostly reminisced about old times, trying to stir the echoes of their friendship. The only time they talked about anything even remotely related to their trip was when Heather noted that there were no marshmallows or hot dogs for the campfire that they'd built.

The girls continued their long silence towards one another. Mostly, Tessa would talk to Heather and Madison would talk to Jennifer. The mothers tried to engage the girls with limited success. The only time the girls interacted was when they mutually objected to something mortifying that their respective mothers said. And even then, it was furtive, and uncomfortable. Tessa didn't want anyone to open the door to her mentoring, Madison was thinking that this would be easier with Lindsay.

It was still early when the four women decided to throw in the towel. They walked back into the cabin, the smell of smoke in their hair. As they made their way to their bedrooms, they were all struck by the same thought: "what am I doing here, and how long will this take."

Chapter 1: Mothers' Bond

"So mom, I was thinking, Ms. Heather was saying that we needed marshmallows and hot dogs for the fire. I thought that might be nice for dinner tonight. I will head down to the general store and pick them up," Madison said breezily, as though she hadn't been plotting her escape all morning. All four women were sitting around the table in the breakfast nook of the cabin.

"Just Heather, please, we are all adults," Heather said, correcting Madison for the tenth time. But Jennifer fell for the ploy instantly. She believed that Madison had broken down and was accepting that they were going to be at the cabin.

"Oh sure, that's a great idea!" she said, 'My car keys are over by the front door. I am sure you can get around Heather's car."

"Oh no, I was going to walk," Madison said, and Jennifer instantly grew more suspicious. Madison lived for the car. And would never want to walk for two hours or so to buy hot dogs.

"That's fine," Jennifer said, "Tessa," she said, turning to the other girl, "Why don't you go with her, that might be nice," she said.

"Oh no, I was going to go by myself," Madison said.

"Oh I wanted to hang out here," Tessa said at the same time. But Heather had caught on to the fact that Jennifer needed to be alone, so that they could talk.

"I think you should go too, Tessa," Heather said to her daughter. Tessa's eyes shot to her mother, wide and angry.

"But mom, I wanted to hang out with you," Tessa said honestly. Heather wanted that as well. She would've been happy if Madison and Jennifer had gone for a long walk and she and Tessa could relax together. But that wasn't why they were here. She shook her head.

"Please," she said.

"We can take our car," Tessa said, hoping to get it over quickly.

"Madison wanted to walk," Jennifer said, looking at her daughter.

"Well..." Madison started.

"You'll want to get going now," Jennifer said, "Before the heat of the day is on you." And with that, the daughters had to admit defeat. They were going to walk to the general store together, whether they liked it or not. They both knew they wouldn't. They got up from the table.

"We will get the dishes," Heather said, knowing her daughter was upset and wishing to make up for it. Tessa didn't respond. She sort of huffed and refused to make eye contact.

"I love you," Heather said.

"Love you too," Tessa mumbled as she got up and moved toward the door. Madison started following behind the older girl.

"Love you," Jennifer said to her daughter, a little snotty to rub in the fact that she'd seen through the ruse.

"Prove it," Madison said wryly. And then the two girls were out the door. Heather and Jennifer heard the screen door on the front of the cabin slam shut. They were alone.

Jennifer got up from the table and walked back to the kitchen with the plates from breakfast. She returned a few moments later with two fresh cups of coffee. She sat back down at the table and passed a cup over.

"God, teenagers are the worst!" she said playfully, but Heather winced, "the walk will do them good."

"You know," Heather said after taking a sip of searing hot coffee, "I think I figured out why you asked me to be here."

"Oh yeah?" Jennifer said, not realizing it was a big mystery.

"Your daughter," Heather said.

"I guess, incidentally," Jennifer responded.

"Your relationship, it seems...broken. No, that's too harsh. Strained. I mean, you just said you loved her, but it was angry. And she responded...it was mean," Heather said. She had noticed it in other ways too. Jennifer and Madison had been sniping at each other since the arrival. She wondered if Jennifer was struggling with a wayward daughter. But Jennifer just laughed.

"We are just playing, that's how we play," she responded, "I mean we aren't like you and Tessa, but we are fine."

"What do you mean, like us?" Heather asked.

"You know...so perfect," she said, "It is too much work. We fight because we aren't always on the same page. That is okay," Jennifer said. That made absolutely no sense whatsoever to Heather. But she felt embarrassed that she had guessed wrong and decided to drop the issue.

"So why did you ask me here?" she asked.

"I told you on the phone," Jennifer said, glad they were getting around to this. She was happy again that she'd chased the girls out, "I need a little advice about next year."

"Next year?" Heather asked.

"When Madison goes to college," Jennifer explained. Realization dawned on Heather's face, she leaned back in her chair, nodding knowingly.

"Empty nest," she said. Jennifer smiled broadly. She knew she'd called Heather for a reason.

"Exactly."

"It hasn't been easy, I will tell you that. That first day, when I left Tessa at her dorm room... I could barely bring myself to drive away. All I could do was think about her going up there with all of those strangers. Sleeping in a room so many miles away. No one to talk to or to help her get over the traumas of her first day. I was completely paralyzed. I ended up renting a hotel room and staying there for the first week. I think Tessa appreciated it. I know I needed it.

"But it got easier over time. I mean the first week at home was bad. But I went up to visit that next weekend. I go back lots of weekends. That helps. And Tessa likes to go home. My dad gave her his old Mercury. So she can drive home. And facetime is great. We facetime everyday after class. It isn't the same as being home, but it is the next best thing. In a lot of ways, it can be like she never left. And now that we are in summertime..."

"Oh God," Jennifer said, "I have to stop you."

"What?" Heather said, confused.

"That is like...the opposite of what I needed to talk to you about!" Jennifer said incredulously. At first she'd thought that Jennifer was joking. Or that she was going to explain that he got over her empty nest syndrome and got on with her life. But as her friend kept talking, she realized that Heather was serious. She couldn't even begin to understand what that meant.

"What do you mean?" Heather said after a long pause. Jennifer laughed a little.

"I am not trying to figure out how to stretch my apron strings," Jennifer said, "As far as I am concerned, she could just keep walking right now until she gets to campus. I am tired of having a smart-ass teen living in my house." She laughed again but there was some actual bitterness in her voice. Jennifer knew that loved her daughter, but she also knew she didn't always love their interactions. They were both adults now, and needed their own space.

"Apron strings? No it isn't like that! I am not supervising her! She can go to parties, she can move in with friends, or whatever she wants. We are just very close. Tessa is my best friend. We like to talk. And I worry about her because she is...different from the other girls." Jennifer took a deep sip of coffee and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She pointed at her friend with the mug.

"How about you? Do you go to parties," Jennifer stabbed with the mug, "Do you have friends?" Stabbing again. She raised her eyebrows as she spoke. Heather felt her cheeks getting red. Why was she being attacked for being a loving mother? She didn't judge Jennifer for wanting to be rid of her daughter...much. Why was she being judged?

"Well if you didn't want to know how I keep in contact with..."

"Attached at the hip to..."

"Tessa, then why did you want me here? What did you want from me?" Heather couldn't help but let a little bit of irritation to seep into her voice. Jennifer stopped laughing She wasn't trying to hurt Heather's feelings, it was just...

"Well, to be honest, I was going to ask you about getting laid after your kid moved out," Jennifer said bluntly, and she took another sip of her coffee. Heather's cheeks grew a dark crimson color.

"What?" Heather asked. That was about the last thing she ever expected. Although, she couldn't really say why now. Jennifer had always been a little...bolder than her. This was not exactly out of character.

"Hey, I know what it is like to be a single mom. I personally haven't had a lot of opportunities over the last few years. But I figure that once Madison is out of the house, I am going to sort of jump back into the dating scene. I figured, wrongly I guess, that you'd done the same thing. I was looking for pointers."

"Pointers?" Heather said, a little dazed. Jennifer heard Heather's confusion and she tilted her head to the side and took a deep breath. Her demeanor seemed to change.

"Yeah. I mean I have single friends, I guess I could've asked them. They date, you know," Jennifer's eyes cast down to her coffee, watching the clumps of creamer swirl around. "They don't know...everything about me. And I know you aren't like me in that way. But I thought you could help me think through my options. Like how does someone...like me..." Jennifer sort of shrugged her shoulders. She felt ridiculous now. What exactly had she expected from this? What would Heather know about dating as a non-operative transwoman closing in on middle age? It was just...Heather was the only person besides Madison who really know about her identity. She couldn't talk to Madison about dating or...sex. So this was her only option.

That fact immediately became clear to Heather. Whatever offense she'd taken to Jennifer's attitude before was instantly forgotten. She even got over her embarrassment. She realized that for the first time in years, Jennifer had felt the need to activate a support network she'd thought she'd outgrown. She must've really needed help.

"I'm really sorry Jen," Heather said, "I mean I can help you think through this stuff, but I really can't give you any...first hand advice. For a lot of reasons." Heather reached forward and placed her hands against Jennifer's wrapped around the coffee cup. Jennifer looked up and smiled at her friend. She saw Heather's large eyes, looking at her with understanding. The anxiety that she'd felt melted instantly. She remembered why Heather had always been such a lovely friend.

"You shouldn't be sorry, I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that," Jennifer said. The women were silent for a long minute. Heather continued to hold Jennifer's hand, unsure if she should let it go. Still, as she looked at her friend with renewed compassion, she felt the need to assert her right to some understanding as well.

"I don't regret anything about the life I've lived since Tessa went to college. I will do anything it takes to protect that girl. And I don't like being away from her. She needs me and I need her. I don't see why that's funny or stupid. I grew apart from my mom early and I have missed that relationship. Most women would kill for a relationship like the one I had with my daughter. You are going to be surprised how much you miss your daughter when she is gone," Heather said. Jennifer smiled and sighed apologetically. She let the fact that Heather was subtly criticizing her go. She deserved the bash and didn't want to dig this fight any deeper.

"Hey, I wasn't trying to be mean there. I was just...It doesn't matter. You're right. Your daughter is special and I am sure she appreciates you being there. I wish my mom was more like you when I was that age," she said and that was true. She wished her mother was more like Heather, just not completely like Heather. Heather nodded, feeling somewhat vindicated. But Jennifer pulled her hands back now. Heather looked up at her friend.

"Still," Jennifer continued, "you can't baby her forever. Its a tough world out there for anyone. She needs to stand on her own."

"Tessa is a very smart girl," Heather asserted, growing a bit flustered again. Why was Jennifer still attacking her.

"I know she is. That isn't what I am saying. I am saying she is dependent on you. And you are dependent on her."

"I hope we always are. You and Madison should be dependent on each other..."

"Not like that," Jennifer said. Jennifer didn't even know why she felt compelled to speak. Maybe she was trying to justify her comfort with an empty nest to herself. But she felt the need to explain to Heather what she was feeling, "Let's forget about Tessa for a second. What about you? I mean you don't have a baby anymore. You have an adult. Don't you want to have a bit of a life now? Don't you want to date?"

"Well, I guess I haven't really thought of it," Heather said. She knew it sounded like a lie. What adult single woman doesn't think about relationships. Especially a woman who'd been divorced for two decades. But it really wasn't on her radar.

"I can't wait to have sex again. Like real sex, not a hook up. When was the last time you had sex. Any kind of sex?" Jennifer asked. Heather felt her cheeks growing red again. She sort of let out a quick breath and shook her head incredulously. She wasn't going to answer that!

"Oh come on, don't be like that! We used to talk about stuff like this," Jennifer said, "Look, for me I haven't had a real date in a year and I haven't had sex in six months. And that was when I was out of town on business. Because it weirds Madison out when I date. There." Jennifer blurted all of that without any sense of shame. Jennifer felt boxed in. She rolled her eyes uncomfortably and sighed.

"The last time I had sex was...I guess it was..."

"Not a good sign," Jennifer said as her friend hesitated.

"Two thousand and..."

"No, don't even tell me," Jennifer said and Heather stuttered to a stop. She felt extremely uncomfortable and was a bit relieved she didn't have to say anything, "If you have to say it in years, then it was way, way too long." Jennifer said.

"I honestly don't even think about it," Heather said.

"That's part of the problem!" Jennifer retorted, "You are a young and beautiful woman. That is not normal at all. You should want sex. You should get sex." Heather rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand. Her stomach felt tight and sour. Jennifer could tell her friend was uncomfortable, but knew she couldn't help herself now. Heather was the most gorgeous woman she knew, she could have sex if she wanted to. And she deserved to. Her attitude was totally mystifying.

"I don't think it is a problem and it is my life," Heather replied. Jennifer shook her head.

"No, look. I had a problem and I called you up for help. Because your friends help you when you had a problem. You just don't realize you have a problem. But that doesn't change the situation for me. You're my friend, I have to help," Jennifer said.

"I just don't think there is anything we can do to help each other with our sex lives," Heather said, trying to put some finality into her voice. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. She wished that she had let Tessa take the car so she'd be back and this conversation could draw to a close.

"Huh..." Jennifer said thoughtfully. She purses her lips and sort of pushed them to the side of her mouth. Something about what Heather had said was sticking with her. Help each other with our sex lives. Those words were ringing in her ear. She looked across the table at Heather. She saw the woman's long, glossy hair, her big eyes, her wide lips, she could see her cleavage down through her thin night shirt. Jennifer bit her lower lip.

"What?" Heather said, feeling her friend looking at her, unsure what it meant.

"I don't see why not," Jennifer said out loud. Heather furrowed her brow.

"Why not what?" Heather asked. Jennifer seemed to shake out of her reverie and looked at Heather. She smiled and laughed a little.

"I wasn't lying when I said you are young and beautiful. You are. And you need to get laid. And I need to get laid. And we are here. Alone." The statement hung in the air for a second, it almost entirely flew by Heather. She furrowed her brow and looked at her friend. Jennifer grinned and shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly, the idea caught just a little hook in Heather's mind.

"Oh my god, no!" Heather said, warding off the idea before it even had a chance to reach her conscious mind. That was the most inappropriate suggestion she'd ever heard. Just...no!

"And I really love you and care for you," Jennifer continued, "You are just such an...important friend to me, Heather. I owe you so much. Let me do this. You'd be helping me too." Jennifer was looking deeply into Heather's eyes now. Heather could sense her friend's sincerity. Her compassion returned to her...and gratitude. She didn't think she had a problem (did she?) but Jennifer was sweet for caring for her. And it was flattering too. To be called young and beautiful. By a beautiful woman no less...but still, she couldn't. Right?

"I am not asking you to marry me. We are two adult women. There is no law against it. Why can't we just have some fun? Let off a little steam?" Jennifer asked. The more she thought about it, the better an idea it seemed. She was horny. Heather was beautiful. No one would be hurt. What, exactly was the downside? Heather continued to gape at her, disbelieving. But Jennifer couldn't tell. Was she shocked and appalled by the offer? Or was she intrigued and horny too, and just couldn't admit it? Jennifer felt a little erotic thrill run down her spin. Why not test it out? Jennifer pushed herself back from the table.